And so it begins again.
Restlessness.
The need for sleep disappears, but the desire for sleep remains.
I lay for two hours without moving. Without sleeping. Always the experience is the same.
Deep breaths. In. Pause. Out. Pause. Focusing on the breathing, I can push away thought. Feeling the pause, I can absorb silence.
Next, I feel my heart. Sending my awareness from my breathing to its beating. I feel it first in my chest, then push it to my hands. They warm and tingle, pulsing with the beat. I push it all to my left arm, then switch to my right. I bring the beating to my face. It feels flush. I focus the beating around my eyes. They tickle. I go on moving my pulse about my body, wherever I please.
Then, back to breathing. I am out of practice so maintaining silence can be difficult. The breathing helps. Every time I return the silence I find is colder, from a much deeper well. Now I begin relaxation.
I focus my awareness on my forehead. Sometimes my eyes raise up as if they are watching, sometimes not. I remain silent and observe the patterns. Solid, floating circles on the left, pulsing rings on the right. In the middle, pictures emerge. Pictures become clips, and clips become scenes. Very foggy and faint, because these are only a distraction. I am letting my body fall asleep.
About 45 minutes have passed. At this point my body feels hollow. I am a liquid core. Ending the visuals, I inspect my body for sleep. I can always tell by my hands. When asleep, my liquid center feels as though it is evaporating through the back of my hands. As if it's drifting out and floating above the skin.
From here on, all that's left is keeping the thoughts quiet. And observing my body as it sleeps. I remain perfectly still, and every so often I even catch myself beginning to snore. That's the funniest part. All the while, I can hear everything going on around me. I am completely aware. Asleep, but not unconscious.
Waking up is as simple as opening my eyes. I am instantly alert, because I have not lost awareness to the unconscious.
It always begins this way. Next comes the exercise and slowing down of all my movement.
I'm excited to see how deep I can go this time. It has been 4 years. I am ready.
Restlessness.
The need for sleep disappears, but the desire for sleep remains.
I lay for two hours without moving. Without sleeping. Always the experience is the same.
Deep breaths. In. Pause. Out. Pause. Focusing on the breathing, I can push away thought. Feeling the pause, I can absorb silence.
Next, I feel my heart. Sending my awareness from my breathing to its beating. I feel it first in my chest, then push it to my hands. They warm and tingle, pulsing with the beat. I push it all to my left arm, then switch to my right. I bring the beating to my face. It feels flush. I focus the beating around my eyes. They tickle. I go on moving my pulse about my body, wherever I please.
Then, back to breathing. I am out of practice so maintaining silence can be difficult. The breathing helps. Every time I return the silence I find is colder, from a much deeper well. Now I begin relaxation.
I focus my awareness on my forehead. Sometimes my eyes raise up as if they are watching, sometimes not. I remain silent and observe the patterns. Solid, floating circles on the left, pulsing rings on the right. In the middle, pictures emerge. Pictures become clips, and clips become scenes. Very foggy and faint, because these are only a distraction. I am letting my body fall asleep.
About 45 minutes have passed. At this point my body feels hollow. I am a liquid core. Ending the visuals, I inspect my body for sleep. I can always tell by my hands. When asleep, my liquid center feels as though it is evaporating through the back of my hands. As if it's drifting out and floating above the skin.
From here on, all that's left is keeping the thoughts quiet. And observing my body as it sleeps. I remain perfectly still, and every so often I even catch myself beginning to snore. That's the funniest part. All the while, I can hear everything going on around me. I am completely aware. Asleep, but not unconscious.
Waking up is as simple as opening my eyes. I am instantly alert, because I have not lost awareness to the unconscious.
It always begins this way. Next comes the exercise and slowing down of all my movement.
I'm excited to see how deep I can go this time. It has been 4 years. I am ready.
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