Cold water, hot mind.

This happened a few weeks back-

I am living with a friend in her home. I woke up one afternoon to her in a terrible mood. I hadn't spoken to her yet, I just noticed her raised voice and heavy steps. So I decided to take a shower. I went in the bathroom, did my thing, and came out.

"There's no hot water" she said. "The gas has been turned off."

Now, the hot water WAS working. I just had a nice shower. But I let her talk.

"I went to take a shower and I let the water run FOREVER and it never got hot! I don't know what these people are doing with the money, but I had to take a cold shower because of it! I'm sick of this."

All this anger over a few degrees difference in water. All this frustration because of unmet expectations. Not only did she expect a shower, but she also expected hot water; she expected the bill be paid, the payer be responsible, and the gas to be sent. It's a chain reaction, you see. Expectations based on expectations.

Once there was no hot water, she became angry. But you cannot be angry at water. It is impossible. The water will not receive your anger. It is incapable.

When an apple is dropped by a tree and hits you on the head, it is a cause for laughter.
When an apple is dropped by a person and hits you on the head, it is a cause for punishment.

So the anger- which belongs entirely to her, was created BY her- ignored by the water, must find a new target. "Logic" provides that if the water is not hot, then the gas must be off. This is not the fault of someTHING, but someONE! NOW the anger can flow! Now it can be accepted!

So not only is she mad over the temperature, she is now mad about the bill, about the payer, and about the gas. The whole shower is ruined and at no fault of her own! Be mad about that too!

Of course, there was hot water the whole time. Which just drives the point even harder.

Expectations creat frustrations.

When you expect something, you have already set yourself up for failure. It will be a miracle if you can go on expecting, and never find frustration. If she had gone into that bathroom with no expectations this problem would not have been. The water was not the problem.

You can demonstrate this to yourself with a barking dog. After every bark, tell yourself "the dog will not bark anymore. it is done." When the dog barks again, you can feel the disappointment. Tell yourself again it was the last bark, and again you will be disappointed. You will become increasingly frustrated with every bark. Instead of a noise, the barking is now a taunt. It's as if the dog is doing it on purpose just to annoy you.

But this is the way people live every day. This is acceptable. It is acceptable to base the expectations of today on the outcomes of yesterday. "My car ran fine yesterday, it will not break down today," "I had a job yesterday, I cannot be fired today," "I had hot water yesterday, it will be hot again today."

This is called optimism.

Also, these expectations come in another flavor: "My car broke down yesterday, it will probably happen again today," "I didn't get a job yesterday, I can't get one today," "There was no hot water yesterday, I bet it's out again today."

This is called pessimism.

So you see, optimism, pessimism... They're really the same thing. They're both forms of expecting. It's like seeing Heads or Tails, but being blind to the quarter. It doesn't really matter which side it lands on, because it will still be a quarter. Likewise, it doesn't matter if you're a "positive thinker" or a "negative nancy," you will still be creating expectations. You will still be creating problems.